A slow dance, the last dance

as I lifted my arms I breathed in the vibrations of the music pulsating through the room the drums guitars synthesized record sounds giving an old feel to the music filtering through the massive speakers spinning around moving my feet and arms each choosing their own movements hips swaying left and right hair flying around…

Trust, Hope and Belief

It has been a while since I have either expressed much about my journey or research findings simply because I have been so busy with treatments. Since the 4th Nov I have had mixed feelings of distress, disappointment, betrayal, hope, survival always top of mind. The difficult part has been watching tumor progression even though…

If the music could speak

If the music could speak it would say “That’s just the way of life, sometimes happy, sometimes monotonous, sometimes dark. People die Of disease Of old age Some get killed. You can be rich (were you grateful?) You can be poor (were you patient?) You will walk this path alone. You will fight You will…

And she keeps marching on

13 Tumors, all new.  2 Months post my Thoracotomy (almost 6 hour open lung surgery on 21 August) to remove a SINGLE oligomous tumor, now delivered back to me 13 new Wendys’… 13 New: 1 large on my chest wall 3 more smaller on my chest wall and 2 sub 20mm 3 on the lymph…

When the dark comes …

There’s a green door with the letters LE32 Arrows on the floor And the TV is on SABC always the same show And I always step in with me mental guns loaded smoke bombs in my pocket There’s a dagger by my heart I wished I was covered by steel I’m all alone the dreaming…

Dear Dr/s

After a particularly brutal and callous email from my Oncology “Team Doctors” after asking for a quicker response to scheduling a scan due to a sudden and new and very aggressive growth on my back I decided to write back to my team and help guide their bedside manner. The more I travel down this…

Wendy’s butterfly wings

Moving along the ground slow feeling each grain beneath my many feet all of them moving in the same direction I was looking for ‘the right tree to nest within the Buddleia a perfect host moving slowly up the stem I stuff myself with the leaves growing plumper and longer molting my skin a few…

Learning, so many life lessons

Cancer is great motivation to “unfuck” yourself as the now street commoners would say, if I were living in the 70’s we would use the opportunity to love more…. It is clearly one of those potty mouthed days for me. Can I say it so bluntly? I ruined my Mother’s birthday.. Why? Because I allowed…

Cure or care, Truth or profit

Up until the point of me having to break away from dear Dr Barker, I had really low key kind of interaction with Doctors and the Medical industry.  The only other time I needed constant support from this sector was when I was pregnant with my daughter and again with my son. Otherwise I have…

Low Dose Naltrexone’s role in cancer therapy

  The only way forward for me seems to be re-purposed drugs and the more I research I know I am on the right track. There is most definitely a tide of change happening, whether this is patient or doctor driven I am still unsure, but either way the new language is most absolutely no…